Parenting Vivian | 04 Feb 2010 05:10 am

Parenting: How to Set Standards, Even for Bad Kids – FamilyVision Column

His parents gives little Dante everything he wants. Dante is only five years old. He calls his parents by their first name. When he shouts little profane words at his friends, his parents only smile at his behavior. Little Dante is out of control. His teachers cant control him, his classmates dislike him, and his parents fear him. In a grocery store, Dantes mother tells him to stop. Dante hits her with his fist. A senior citizen looks on in amazement. Dantes mother says, I dont know what to do. Hes not a controllable kid. What should I do?? The senior smiles at her politely as Dantes steps on his mother foot.

Wild World of Parenting

How do you gain control if you have wild kids??What does it take to become an effective parent? Do you have the bad kids and dont know what to do? Parents must again parent if America is to regain our children. The Columbine and Heritage school shootings have proven that extreme violence can happen anywhere. This is scary situation to any sane person. A killer could be the child next door or in your own home. According to one study, many of these violent children did not come from abusive, neglectful parents. Some kids live their lives as if there are no consequences for their actions. Some parents place no expectations on their children. This is the ingredient for an accident waiting to happen. The child sees the world as a great big opportunity for fun—the world revolves around his wishes. NOT! This does happen, however. For example, a 15 year-old named Kip from Oregon, who was accused of fatally shooting his parents and two high school classmates, had a history of problems. His parents were public school teachers with two children, living in a forested subdivision home. Kip was a hot-tempered boy with a ###### for bombs, guns, and killing. His parents tried to control his inner demons with Ritalin and Prozac, and counseling. His gun-hating parents finally gave in and brought their son a semiautomatic rifle. It was a heavy price to pay for their sons acceptance.

Parenting Expectation

Whos making the rules in your family? Todays parents need to set the expectations for their children. According to recent research, children of professionals today are less likely than similar children 25 years ago to reach as high on the economic ladder as their parents. Society really doesnt expect much from this generation. I am constantly reminded of the little regard some children have for authority. Just look around your neighborhood and school. What has gone wrong? Our generation has abandoned the traditions of our parents in an effort to be different. We trusted our hearts and listened to the family experts. How does this lack of respect begin? It starts out quite innocently. A parent smiles at a little profanity from their toddler. Isnt that cute! Most people want to transfer blame—the media, uncaring parents, peer pressure, violent children, or the lack of strong gun laws. The media teaches our children that they can have it all without any sacrifice. To say that our children can escape this mad propaganda is not true. However, we must teach the children.

Parenting Solution

Finally, parents must set the standards. We cant expect our children to act morally if their examples are immoral, hateful, and unforgiving adults. Parenting is a hands-on full-time duty. Parents from the past were uncompromising in their determination in expecting a lot out of their children. Growing up in my Cedar Grove community in Louisiana, I found God an important part of my family. Parenting is a very difficult task. Is it realistic to believe you can become your childs best friend and parent also? Doesnt this sound like a conflict of interest? Parents are required on a daily basis to make tough family decisions—decisions that might sound too harsh for a child. Communications is critical to any sustaining family; however, adults must focus on the long-term effects of a decision as well as the short-term consequences. However, what is more important? We must get back to the basics. Obtain for guidance from our wise seniors. Today, we have more education and material things than generations of the past. However, I would ask this question of you, How could people with so little give so much, while we with so much, give so little.?We must come together as a nation and set high standards for all children. And yes, we adults must shoulder the burden of setting good examples. If we fail at so great a commission, we will get our just rewards. And maybe, lose the next generation of leaders. Lead your family with focus. Set the standards. Start today!

Daryl and Estraletta Green provide personal advice all around the country. Daryl is the author of two books, Awakening the Talents Within and My Cup Runneth Over. They have been noted and quoted in such media organizations such as USA Today, NBCs Alive at Five, Heaven 600, Answerline, American Urban Radio, The Bev Smith Show, The Hallerin Hill Show, Ebony Magazine, and BETs Buy the Book. The Greens nationally syndicated column, FamilyVision, reached 200 newspapers and over 12 million readers. For a free list of the Greens Top Ten Life, Changing Books, you can email at their website,

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