Home And Family

By the time your child has reached the terrible twos, you will already know his or her personality quite well. By this tender young age, your child will have already started taking his or her first wobbly steps towards independence. At that age and even younger, you as a parent tend to actively support this burgeoning independence with encouragement and assistance, helping your child reach whatever goal it is he or she is trying to reach, whether it is walking independently, learning to talk. You are your child’s best cheerleader.

As your child grows, you continue to support that independence by helping him or her learn how to ride a bike, encouraging him or her to do well in school, and allowing him or her certain privileges like staying up late or going places with friends. This continued support that you provide to your kids as they become more independent can build a strong foundation for self-esteem.

So what happens between the time your child wakes up at age 8 or 9 and the time he or she wakes up at age 12 or 13? Do you, as a parent, simply realize how quickly the time is going and try to slow it down? Do you suddenly not want to support your child or prevent him or her from reaching the next stage of development? Of course not!. But it does get more difficult to support independence when it is accompanied by sharp jabs, mouthy comments, and disrespect!

In many cases, parents end up in a catch-22. They have created a young person who has the expectation of increasing independence and support from Mom and Dad, because they have always been given the tools they need to get to the next stage in life. But parents often start holding back on providing these tools as their kids get older, either from discomfort or from thinking the teen is moving too quickly toward the next step. When this kind of tension happens, it can quickly lead to disaster and a broken relationship between you and your teen.

As your child enters the teen years, the most important thing you can do is continue to support his or her independence. This does not mean that you let your teen run free. In fact, I often think that parents have it backwards: they think it is important to be home with their kids when they are little, but I think it is when your teens start facing major life pressures and decisions that they need you most.

Take a hands-on role in your teen’s life. Help your teen learn to make good decisions, but let your teen actually take some control of his or her life. You can do this by letting your teen choose his or her high school classes, allowing him or her to participate in a team sport, or letting your teen get a part-time after school job and have control over the money earned.

By letting your teen take steps toward becoming an adult, and by supporting those steps even when you do not necessarily agree with them, you provide your teen with the tools he or she will need to survive out in the “real” world.

By the time your child has reached the terrible twos, you will already know his or her personality quite well. By this tender young age, your child will have already started taking his or her first wobbly steps towards independence. At that age and even younger, you as a parent tend to actively support this burgeoning independence with encouragement and assistance, helping your child reach whatever goal it is he or she is trying to reach, whether it is walking independently, learning to talk. You are your child’s best cheerleader.

As your child grows, you continue to support that independence by helping him or her learn how to ride a bike, encouraging him or her to do well in school, and allowing him or her certain privileges like staying up late or going places with friends. This continued support that you provide to your kids as they become more independent can build a strong foundation for self-esteem.

So what happens between the time your child wakes up at age 8 or 9 and the time he or she wakes up at age 12 or 13? Do you, as a parent, simply realize how quickly the time is going and try to slow it down? Do you suddenly not want to support your child or prevent him or her from reaching the next stage of development? Of course not!. But it does get more difficult to support independence when it is accompanied by sharp jabs, mouthy comments, and disrespect!

In many cases, parents end up in a catch-22. They have created a young person who has the expectation of increasing independence and support from Mom and Dad, because they have always been given the tools they need to get to the next stage in life. But parents often start holding back on providing these tools as their kids get older, either from discomfort or from thinking the teen is moving too quickly toward the next step. When this kind of tension happens, it can quickly lead to disaster and a broken relationship between you and your teen.

As your child enters the teen years, the most important thing you can do is continue to support his or her independence. This does not mean that you let your teen run free. In fact, I often think that parents have it backwards: they think it is important to be home with their kids when they are little, but I think it is when your teens start facing major life pressures and decisions that they need you most.

Take a hands-on role in your teen’s life. Help your teen learn to make good decisions, but let your teen actually take some control of his or her life. You can do this by letting your teen choose his or her high school classes, allowing him or her to participate in a team sport, or letting your teen get a part-time after school job and have control over the money earned.

By letting your teen take steps toward becoming an adult, and by supporting those steps even when you do not necessarily agree with them, you provide your teen with the tools he or she will need to survive out in the “real” world.